15 years Studying Yoga with Manouso Manos
This post addresses the allegations made against Manouso Manos, one of 2 Advanced Senior Iyengar Yoga Teachers in the world, for inappropriate touch and sexual misconduct.
There have been various writings, posts, and debates around this topic over the last months. What seems to be missing in this public conversation are writings of positive experiences from the thousands of students Manouso teaches annually and the tens of thousands he’s touched over the past 40 years. As a Certified Iyengar Yoga Teacher and a 15-year female student of Manouso Manos, in this post, I would like to review my experiences with Manouso and also address some of the larger societal concerns that this conversation has triggered amongst the Iyengar Yoga community and readers at-large.
This post further serves as an invitation for others in a similar position as myself to step forward and express themselves so as to expand the diversity of perspectives and range of voices.
First, I’d like to acknowledge the women who’ve experienced inappropriate touch. As a woman who has also gone through the bitter experience of assault in my life, I empathize with you and acknowledge your courage for stepping forward and by doing so, standing for an end to any type of violation committed against women, period.
As we share our experiences, I want to encourage us to distance ourselves from positions of right and wrong and instead make real space and time for everyone to contribute to this conversation and be heard no matter where we stand. I realize the challenge in making space for expression as I believe that this conversation is happening in a social fabric that has historically been dominated by male voices. Today, as the Feminine renegotiates her place in the world, what I believe is crucial to be aware of as we move along, is that this issue is an opportunity for the expression of female voices.
I acknowledge that those of us who share our experiences, may have to gear up for the possibility of being discredited, shamed, and rejected when we do speak up, regardless of our position or associations with this teacher given the current climate. Being in such a position myself, what feels right to me is to share my personal experience, claim space for my voice, and for all experiences to be seen as worthy of acknowledgment.
So here is my story, my experience, my voice:
In late 2003, I traveled to San Francisco for a short visit from Tehran. A few days prior to my return home, a friend mentioned Manouso and suggested I take a class with him before leaving. I happened to be in L.A for a few days where he was coincidently teaching a workshop that weekend. I seized the opportunity and I jumped in. I really enjoyed the class so the following Tuesday, back in San Francisco, I decided to attend one of his regular classes at the (former) Abode of Iyengar Yoga. I loved it. What I witnessed there was a healthy yoga community with much trust amongst the teacher (s) and practitioners. That evening, I made the swift and somewhat scary decision to skip my return flight home and stay a while longer so I could study with Manouso. The impression I had gotten from the environment at the Abode which found its heart in Manouso and Rita (his wife), was that I would be safe amidst the foreign land I was in. Indeed, for the years that followed, I found a home away from home with them.
Soon after my decision to stay, I also began assisting Manouso. Two years later, when I decided to shift my professional focus from teaching yoga to other endeavors, I came at an emotional and psychological cross road. Letting go of teaching yoga was difficult because so much of my sense of identity was wrapped up in it. I struggled with doubt, guilt, and shame. When I told Manouso that I wanted to take a break from teaching and assisting him, he looked at me and said “ok!” shrugging his shoulders, “That’s fine! And maybe you’ll teach again someday! See you in class next week!”
I walked out with tears not because I was sad, but because my teacher had lifted a huge self-imposed burden from my shoulders, making me feel that it was ok, and that I was ok whether I did or didn’t teach yoga. The experience of being made to feel loved and accepted as I was, remained consistent during the 15 years I studied with him. Did he ever make comments that felt rough or piercing? Definitely. And every single time he said something that challenged my ego, I felt angry at him. But I also knew that he was teaching and part of me deeply appreciated his disregard for pleasing me. Manouso’s teaching persona wasn’t easy to digest especially if a practitioner was new to his classes. He could rub people the wrong way. I imagined he had enemies. People who disliked him. Others who might be envious of his successful career.
This is where I think we must all be very honest with ourselves. We must not, if we dislike him or disagree with his teaching persona, turn him into a demon. This is not to say that the experiences of those who have made the allegations are not real, or that Manouso’s statement of conducting a teaching touch is also not real. I am just asking us to be very honest with ourselves and make sure that we are not projecting our own unresolved issues unto him.
Manouso’s focus in my experience, was never on changing anyone, preaching how one should live life, striving to be liked, or making a fortune with his career. Rather, over the years, I saw him demonstrate a steadfast commitment to what his teacher BKS Iyengar trained and tasked him with — to spread yoga and the Iyengar system for teaching, healing, and growth. In this, his integrity never wavered. If he was not in another city or country, he was always present at his regular Tuesday and Thursday San Francisco classes. I remember the day after his appendix surgery. He was there. He taught his classes while sitting down. In my experience, what Manouso could always be counted on was his full engagement as a teacher, his consistency, his honesty, and his generosity in sharing the knowledge he has. I even make the joke that Manouso Manos is like Starbucks, you know what to expect when you walk into his class; today, tomorrow, on any day.
Now, I’d like to express my opinion regarding adjustments and touching as a yoga teacher. Anyone who has ever taught Iyengar Yoga or has taken an Iyengar yoga class knows that what makes this tradition of Asana and Pranayama teaching unique, are the hands-on and numerous adjustments made on students. Areas of focus are often the chest and shoulders, the hip girdle, the sacrum, the tailbone, the knees and virtually every other part of the body that can bend or turn. Students who attend Iyengar yoga classes are well aware of this practice, which is often what draws them to Iyengar yoga in the first place. As such, adjustments are expected and welcomed.
Since touching students is such a fundamental and routine practice in the Iyengar yoga system, what distinguishes an acceptable touch from an inappropriate one is not easily obvious. What I think differentiates one over the other, is the intention of the teacher and the energy carried in the mind, heart, and hand that is adjusting. Because intention is energy and has no form, it becomes extremely difficult to judge the nature of a touch from the outside. We can only choose to believe or disbelieve those claiming they experienced inappropriate touch. Hence, we are left to trust both the intention of the teacher and the perception of the student. My experience of unbroken trust and respect with Manouso is as real as some person’s experience of inappropriate touch.
I suspect there are many of us who are now on the fence, questioning and reassessing our interactions with Manouso Manos, looking into our past, heart, and gut feeling to find a position that feels true to us.
I think here, the Manouso conversation is convoluted with, and catalyzing how we re-evaluate our boundaries, voice our truth, and redefine our needs in a 2019 global yoga culture.
Manouso Manos has adjusted my shoulders, chest, hips, thighs, and buttock more times than I can count, but not once in the decade and a half of my studying with him did I ever feel that his touch was impure, sexual, exploitative, or dirty. Not once. Not even close.
Here’s an anecdote I want to share. In 2010, my spiritual mentor, a woman from Tehran, came to San Francisco to see me. I asked permission to bring her to class. She was in her 60s and experiencing pain in her hips which I had informed Manouso about. She did not speak English very well so direct communication between them was challenging. Manouso asked one of his assistants to take her to a corner of the class and help her into a different sequence of poses. I followed the regular class but paid attention from the corner of my eye as he periodically went over to her to either adjust her himself or direct the assistant to do so.
At the end of the class as we were getting ready to leave, Manouso walked over to me and said, “Priya, please ask your teacher to accept my apologies if I did not adjust her as well as I could have. I understand your teacher is from a different culture and that touch may be interpreted or handled differently in her culture. For this reason, I abstained from touching her very much. I did not want to do anything that could risk stepping over any boundaries.”
What I discovered over the years as Manouso’s student, was that behind his often, sharp tongue, piercing gaze, raw humor, seemingly bitter attitude, and intimidating persona, was an approachable man of great humility and unwavering integrity with his teaching practice. Moreover, my experience of his teaching included an array of verbal and physical tools carefully developed to support students in looking at their dullness and lack of awareness. Through all this, I owe Manouso Manos not only my physical well-being, the knowledge I’ve gathered as a yoga practitioner, but also much of my mental and emotional health. The example that he set for me was to treat my word as gold, to keep my promises, to work reluctantly towards my goals, and to be gentle and forgiving with myself and others when that’s the right thing to do.
My request from other women who have studied with Manouso Manos and who are reading this post, is for you to share your experiences. Let’s remember that this conversation is not just about this man, but about women’s ability to claim our voices, voice our experiences, and be heard no matter where we stand. Sharing our experience will not only provide a richer and a more holistic picture to this conversation but is an opportunity for our own healing and sense of completion.
Thank you for taking the time to hear my voice.
