Life is messy and why we pretend otherwise

When life is happening, when it’s in the making, it is an entirely different thing from the presentation we make of it to the world. Our offering, even at its most sincere state of being, is a pretense. This pretense isn’t evil. It’s just a way of protection against the absolute chaos of the making process.

By life, I refer to all the things that drive our day to day: Our relationships, our health, our looks, our career, our hobbies and art, our achievements…

To the world, the image of our life is presented in an orderly manner, well groomed, nicely ironed-out, neatly packaged, good tasting and fresh smelling... In its making however, life is entirely different. It’s messy and it’s clumsy, and it certainly isn’t always pretty. As much as we try to avoid recognizing it, the front is not the back and the back is not the front.

Much like the experience of eating at a restaurant: Tables set, staff smiling and patient, the plating just right and the air romantic.

Or at the hotel with the bedding tucked in and the towels clean.

Or that dinner party with everyone perfectly groomed to show off, mingle and have fun. And how about that art show? The paintings neatly hung, the artist well dressed, the catalogues printed?

In reality, the kitchen is hot, the pressure is on, the nerves are on edge.

The bellboy is tired, the maid is underpaid.

The art studio is chaotic and there is shit everywhere.

The guests couldn’t find baby sitters, the host hasn’t slept, some tore their stockings, others cut themselves shaving.

The inside is not the outside.

So let’s laugh a little at the irony, the misconception. This is where things are created. This is how life is made. In absolute chaos and uncertainty.Those of us forgetful of the reality of the making process, confusing it with the display, will be confronted with self blame, disappointment, and confusion. To expect our life to be perfectly ordered in the weaving is a tall order to live into. It can hardly ever be that way. It takes courage and compassion to forgive our drafts, the tearing apart and scratching off that lead to the final version.With the spring equinox around the corner, many of us are cleaning out our internal messes, bringing some order to the disorder. This can surely give us a moment of stability and rest, allowing us to feel lighter and more spacious. But soon enough the tsunami will wash us over and when it does, let’s remember to deploy patience, compassion for the inevitable way that things are made.